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” checklist, so it’s okay if you don’t identify or agree with any of them.

They’re just experiences that I’ve seen pop up over and over when asexuals talk about their lives.

If they’re talking about parties or one-night stands, there’s a good chance you don’t have any comparable experiences to discuss.

You just zone out when they start talking about these things, and let the conversation run its course.

All your friends get caught up in what they’d like to do and who they’d like to do it with, but you don’t feel that way about anyone. You pretended to like sex so your partner wouldn’t think you didn’t love them.

You thought that everyone else was just pretending to be interested in sex.

Some asexuals may even look at this and think that’s bizarre. The whole concept is so different from how they look at the same scenario that it may be impossible for them to process those actions into something that makes sense. Some asexuals don’t connect with the word “hot” and other words describing someone’s sexual desirability.

For some asexual people, the thought “I would like to have sex with that person” could seem as random and unexpected as “I would like to paint that person blue, cover them with twigs, and dance around them in a circle all night”. We’re able to judge and rank subjective beauty on a scale from “ugly” to “pretty”, we may feel that some people are “cute”, but “hot” can be a word that some asexuals avoid. When other people use words like “hot”, we can sense that there’s some innate internal buzzer going off inside their mind, and that the word is not just some synonym or sub-category of words like “cute” or “pretty”.

The word means more to them than “visually appealing”.

There’s something behind it, some sense, some response that’s driving them to choose “hot” over “pretty”, and we don’t experience what that sense is.

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